I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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