had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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