i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
