last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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