why didn't you poke me back
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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