with your own penis?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
