I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
