You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize