And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The best revenge is premature balding
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
