Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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