Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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