Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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