me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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