I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
