Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
