It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
