Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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