is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
