The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize