I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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