is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We don't watch enough power rangers
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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