and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
