Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
