That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
