We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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