i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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