I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
