Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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