I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
