I smell stomach acid.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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