Well douche your snatch and let's go!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Vodka?
Forever.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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