Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
