We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Bring me that man meat
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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