she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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