why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
