Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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