that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
