im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize