please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
