its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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