My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
