It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
