What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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