just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
