If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
