you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
