I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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