This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
