I want to walk on stilts...naked
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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