My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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