I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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