i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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