I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
