I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
