i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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