walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
