pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
