i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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