I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You are the jesus of drinking
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
