mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
