I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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