The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She's JV to your varsity
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
