Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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