My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
