the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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