check it out our google latitudes are spooning
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
