Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
