I heard we made out
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think people are normalizing furries
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
