My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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