I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
