Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well I just put wine in my tea
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
