i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
