Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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