Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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