I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize