he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
