Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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