my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize