Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
