it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
