I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
