Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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