your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
