I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
