she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
