my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
