I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize