If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
