he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
