just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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