Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
