He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
