People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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