Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
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