before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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