Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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