How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
