my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
