Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Randomize
