i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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