My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
