u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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