I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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