Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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