I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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