Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
