Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
