i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wish you could order shots online.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
