Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
